the domestic tales of four sisters

To My Future Daughter-in-Law

Dear Future Daughter-in-Law,

As I write this letter your future husband is all sprawled out on the couch watching his older sister torment the dogs. It is so strange to refer to him as “your husband” considering he is so small and still so innocent. But he is yours and you are his. Right now God knows exactly where you are. Maybe you are being held by your mother as she tries to soothe you to sleep. Perhaps you too are laying on the couch watching an older sibling torment your dogs. Or maybe my son will like older women and you are five years old and enjoying a Saturday afternoon at the park. I can’t picture you. I have no idea what type of girl you are or will be, but God has that planned out. As your future father-in-law frequently tells me, “That’s above my paygrade.” I don’t try to figure out the Divine … you know … that whole human, limited understanding factor really fudges things up.

 

I am sure you will hear this from me many times, but your husband and I didn’t have the easiest start. Five hours of insanely quick and painful labor started us off. Followed by roughly two months of him screaming bloody murder. Everyone had suggestions to fix him. Try this or try that they would say. Yet none of them felt the terrible, awful feeling of defeat that one night I laid him on his father’s chest and then went into our bathroom and sobbed on the floor for 30 minutes. I cried, and cried, and cried harder. The only thing I knew to do was to pray and ask God to show me what to do. Or to give me some form of strength that I didn’t have within me. Time would pass and I would stick to my gut and belief that he would “grow out of it” and he did. He is currently a very fat, very happy 3 month old. A 3 month old, mind you, who sleeps 9 hours straight. No more middle of the night crying fests in the bathroom for me.

 

A letter from a new mom to her future daughter-in-law.

 

The night I had Eli I sat in my delivery room waiting on my body to figure itself out so I could be transported to recovery. I decided it was a perfect time to write in my prayer journal. He nursed, his dad slept, and I sat there and wrote about my day. In that moment I started to pray a prayer that I would find myself praying each day for my son. “Lord, make him a man among men. A leader among leaders. Make him strong, resilient, brave, loving, and humble. Make him a good man in a storm.” Each night after his bath I hold him and we get a few minutes after his sister goes to bed and before his father comes home. I pace with him and make him smile, and then I pray … Lord make him a man among men …

 

A letter from a new mom to her future daughter-in-law.

 

You see, over the past few years there have been a few blogposts I have read written by women who have sons. (Do you even know what those are? Or are they like the 8-tracks of 2038?) They contain lists and “warnings” for future wives or girlfriends of their sons. These lists or letters make my heart hurt in a very, very deep way. They rip open a still healing wound. They bring a flood of pain. You see, I’ve been where you are. I’ve sat in your position wondering how you can make your new family like you a little better, or wondering if they will ever like you at all. I’ve felt the rush of nerves as you prepare to meet your new in laws. I’ve felt every moment you are experiencing. By writing this I want to help calm your nerves. I want you to know that I’m on your side because you are an important piece to the puzzle.

A letter from a new mom to her future daughter-in-law.

 

I spent 9 months growing your husband. Waddling around the remaining few weeks of it. People asking me how long I have to go and then making a pity face when they found out I was only 37 weeks. Another few months getting to know him and work through our “issues.” I’ll spend the next 18 years going through the ups and downs. The hills and valleys. I will drive him to practice after practice. I will have to explain to him why he can’t pee anywhere but in a toilet or our backyard. I’ll have to teach him how to actually bathe himself to ensure he is clean and not his version of clean. I will have to punish him when he tortures his sister or does something stupid. I will most likely sit through a million and a half (rough estimate) innings of baseball and quarters of football. When he is ready to talk to me about the girl in high school who hurt his heart I will have to lovingly listen and explain that sometimes we ladies don’t know how hurtful we can be. I will share the story of how I hurt his father a few times in high school, but he was forgiving and stayed my best friend through thick and thin. I will prepare him for you – as best as possible.

A letter from a new mom to her future daughter-in-law.

 

I am not disillusioned on what my responsibility as a mother holds. I’m responsible for raising a son to hear of the Gospel in the hopes that he will turn around and teach it to nations. I am responsible for raising a son to not only wipe his own butt, but to do it well! I am responsible for teaching my son to love others and serve others as best as possible. I am responsible for teaching him to respect those around him. I am responsible for raising a son who will grow into a man who will love one woman and raise children to carry on his legacy. I am responsible for laying the foundation. I will hold his past, and with you comes his future.

When you meet me you will clutch to his hand like it is your life support. You will worry and stress about what you wear and how your hair will look. You’ll be afraid to speak up and you will want to crawl in a hole and die before you “meet the in laws.” Can I share a little secret for you?

I’m looking forward to meeting you. And I pray for you even today.

Do you know how important you are to my son? How vital you are to his trajectory in life? I don’t look at you and see a uterus with a head attached and your whole purpose in life is to give me grandbabies. I look at you as the missing piece to the puzzle. You see, I’m going to admit something to you, moms don’t have it all figured out. And we don’t raise complete children. Other people come into our children’s lives and maybe they rough up some edges, or maybe they soften them. Experiences and people change who our children grow to be. Am I afraid you could hurt him? Absolutely. But I am no more afraid than I am of a man coming into my daughter’s life and hurting her. I’ve been on both sides of that coin – as one to hurt and one to be hurt. I can’t buffer them though. I can’t follow them around and protect them from the pain they will experience. Will it kill me to see them suffer? Without a doubt. But I can’t stop it. I can’t intervene where God intends to work. 

I pray that you are a woman among women. I pray that you are classy and humble. I pray that you have a servant’s heart. I pray that you know the Lord deeply and profoundly. I pray that you are a good woman in a storm. I pray that you love yourself and are confident in who you are so that you have a happy, wonderful, and beautiful marriage with my son.

You are a piece in the puzzle. A very important piece.

You will make him a better man.
You will make him stronger.
You will make him feel things he’s never felt before.
You will heighten the urge to protect within him.
You will show him a softer side of Jesus.
You will show him mercy.
You will teach him grace.
You will love him at his worst.
You will love him at his best.
You will give him the gift of children.
You will show him how to be a great father by being a great mother.
You will look after him.
You will move mountains for him.
You will be an immovable rock in a constantly shifting world.
You will be his best friend.
You will hold him.
You will stand behind him.
You will stand beside him.
You will challenge him.
You will push him.
You will pull him.
You will teach him intimacy.
You will love him; unconditionally.

And one day my son will stand next to me as I wait for the Lord to call me home. As I feel the pull and I begin to slip, he will feel pain. He will stand over my hollow shell and know that I am with the Lord, but he will suffer. I am his mother. I am the woman who gave birth to him and taught him how to throw a perfect spiral while his dad was deployed to a warzone. I am the woman who kissed the booboos and made the perfect chocolate chip cookies. (Don’t worry … it’s on the back of the Tollhouse bag.) I showed him how to respect girls and how to tie his shoes. I taught him his ABCs and how to count to 100. I hold everything about his past.

But, my dear girl, you hold his future.

You will experience life together. You will be his partner through it all. You will be his best friend.

Please, do not fear me. Do not think that I do not cherish you. I love you. I love what you mean to my son. I love that God brought you into our lives to make him a better man. To do the things I never could as a mother.

 

A letter from a new mom to her future daughter-in-law.

 

So today as your husband looks up at me and smiles and coos, I will think of you. I will pray for you. And I will do my best by you to raise a man among men. A leader among leaders. And to help him be strong, resilient, brave, loving, and humble. A good man in a storm.

Love,

Kelsea

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A letter from a new mom to her future daughter-in-law.

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184 thoughts on “To My Future Daughter-in-Law”

    • I loved reading your post. My son is 21 months old and my husband and I love seeing what he will experience and try next. There are so many factors that go into raising good Christian sons and daughters. Your post words it ever so perfectly for the companion that our sons will continue their journeys with. A post for future son-in-laws would be equally as powerful. Thank you for your post, God Bless 🙂

    • Wow! You said it perfectly. I have a 16 year old son and I often think about his wife; how she is living, breathing, and walking the earth as we speak. But what I love the most is your incorporation of Jesus and faith. With Christ you can’t go wrong! And like you, I too pray that my future daughter-in-law is all what God has called her to be. I (we) are speaking into existence what God has planned for our children.

    • This is very thoughtful and sweet. I have my own son who is 17 months and very much think of his future and pray for it. The only thing I would change is the comment about gifting him with children. Some women God has not blessed with that gift and worry that it puts on pressure for something one can’t control. Thank you for the inspiration of things to pray for though. I look forward to my talks with God!

      • Jenn, I was going to add the same thing: great post, but I would omit the part about children. There are so many who struggle with infertility or aren’t able to have children for various reasons. Kelsea, I know at one point, you said that you wouldnt think of his future wife as a vessel for grandbabies. You wouldn’t want to put the expectation of children on someone who you haven’t even met yet.

  • I love this so much! And I hate those “warning” posts too…they’re so vicious. And most of them are filled with idle threats like “I’m not afraid to go to jail”.

    This…I’m pregnant with my 5th child. At this point, we do not know whether or not it’s male or female, and if there’s one or more in there. But I have a 9yo, 4yo, 2yo, and 1yo, and I have not ever thought to pray for any of their future spouses. It could only be another 6-7 years until my daughter starts keeping an eye out for her future husband. These next years are crucial, and I’m inspired to be vigilantly praying over her & him, as well as my other children and their future husbands & wives.

    Thank you so much for this post!

    • Those “warning” posts are for women like my ex-daughter-in-law! She put my son through a year of hell – and they have two kids under three. She cheated on him with a TEENager (she’s 27) and now she has a 22 year old boyfriend! This truly is beautiful. And I hope that when my son’s heart heals and he’s ready to love again the woman that comes into his life is worthy of the love that was given to his first wife – by the entire family! And, by the way, HER family has taken my son’s side in this! They know who is to blame!

      • I understand completely as to what you and your son had to go through. I am the woman that is healing my husbands wounds caused by a Horrible woman. She manipulated, Cheated, abused, and used my husband. Never once appreciating what she had. She put him and his family through Hell itself. He tells me he has gone through hell and returned a stronger man. He was broken, and swore he would never marry again. That is until I came back into his life (we were friends in Jr. High).
        I have worked hard to show him he can trust and love with his whole heart again. As I was reading this story of a mother writing to her future daughter-in-law I remembered my nerves I felt when my future husband told me we were meeting his parents. as I was reading I was in tears because I was reading this in his mothers voice. I could hear her say God has brought you to us for a reason. I truly believe this. We will be married for 2 years in February.

        • When I read this post I cried not just a few tears I had gut wrenching tears when my son met the girl he loved and brought her home we loved her we did everything we possibly could to show her how much we loved her then a month after they met she became pregnant our first thought as any parent was omg to soon but seeing the happyness on our sons face removed all doubts. Things went along smoothly she was gaining baby fat which all mothers do, but things started changing not big changes she would slide in little cruel and hurtful remarks, just out of everybody else’s hearing range. Then she told me that is was sick for a grown man to hug his moma, I think its the most natural thing in the world so by the time she had the baby my son had altogether stopped hugging me when she was there.After the baby was born she made it perfectly clear we would not being spending time with out grandson without her supervision. It is hard to believe that a girl that 4 yrs ago came into our life so sweet and loving could turn out to be a Monster, we try to make things right with her but it is like banging our heads in a brick wall. Our son comes by every once in awhile with out grandson but nothings the same anymore he is like a broken man all the laughing and playing its all history he is broken inside my husband and I try to repair our family but it is hard to do when the other person refuses to attempt to help make our son happy again

          • It’s ridiculous to compare this to what she is saying. The warning posts are mother in laws like mine who think no one is good enough for her baby boy. Who wants to be in control of everything. Who give daughter in laws a reason to fear for no reason. We’ve been married for 13 years and I’ve bent over backwards for his whole family and they still treat me second class bc I’m not an original member. THAT is the norm. Not the situation you just shared. The warning posts are for BEFORE they get to know their DIL which just creates a huge wedge right from the beginning.

          • I have a daughter in law just like that. Keeps our Grand-daughters away from us, but not her family. The only time she speaks is near a birthday or Christmas to tell me what to get the girls

          • I wish I would have read this sooner. It has been 5 years since my daughter in law came into my son’s life, and it was a rough start. I am trying to make things easier on the relationship between us and our DIL…time has done most of the work. Our DIL was really young when she married our son, and we did not think it was the “right” match for him. We have learned that we thought we were in control of the “family”, but it was a delusion. The best piece of advise for someone trying to pick up the pieces is to love your DIL as your own daughter – even if they resist. Especially husbands/dads can really bridge that gap if the women keep butting heads. *Teresa, you cannot repair the family, only what is in your ability. Work on the one-on-one relationships first, and the family will heal itself. *Angela, I truly felt the emotion in your comment, and I am sorry things started off that way for you. What do you think would help remove the wedge that was driven in so hard? *wishful, what are you wishing for? A better relationship with your DIL? Your son back? Sorry to say, but all you can do is stop wishing and start working. Be proactive (in a good way) in your relationship with your son/DIL. Showing your son you are working on the relationship might help mend the bond. I was in your position once, perhaps that is why I am a little critical because I wasted so much time being a passive observer, feeling the role of the victim, instead of a problem solver. I used to go tit-for-tat with mine, digging up history and gossip and all it got me was hurt feelings, relationships, and an estranged son. For those of you who are followers of Christ, how would he comment on our relationships with our DIL’S? Make ya proud?

          • Oh my goodness! You have penned exactly what I have been preaching ever since I became a DIL (27 years ago). what is the deal with the MIL competing for her son’s love anyway? Those young ladies were chosen by each of these sons, considered in this scenario, so if the “moms aren’t happy with their son’s choice”…that’s the entire problem in a nutshell. It is their SON’S choice. Some may say, ‘No it is not. She trapped him.’ I am referring to adults here. If an adult man can be trapped, HE placed HIMSELF in that dilemma. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your Words of Wisdom. The new bride officially does become a member of the groom’s family – hence the term: Daughter-in-Law. Your message is spot on, Regina. Any display of disdain or disparagement from the MIL toward the DIL has the potential to backfire on the groom’s family. If indeed the young men follow the Biblical rule of Leave and Cleave, he will remain true to his wife. Also, it is more than likely a fact that the new bride would be the younger woman in this situation (compared to MIL). Older woman are to be Godly examples to younger women to show them how to behave. I am a MIL now and I am practicing what I preach. I want to be that good example depicted throughout the pages of the Bible. Maybe instead of praying that DIL will change, MIL can pray that she herself can change.

    • Wow. I cried reading this! So beautiful and so sincere. It gives me hope that not all MILs are monsters trying to destroy your relationship! What lucky and BLESSED children you have, one day their partners will be just as Blessed to have someone as kind as you to have as their in law. I pray to be better than my future in laws, not ridiculous and petty like they are to their first daughter in law and now me and my son I had with THEIR son.

      You were raised with the light of God and I am so happy to have stumbled upon your blog, you have truly brightened my day.

  • What a beautiful prayer for your future daughter-in-law! I have 2 wonderful daughters-in-law and the only thing I could possible add to your prayer list is a prayer for you. Pray that God will soften your heart to receive the glorious gift of a daughter-in-law. Pray that you will be the example of a giving, loving mother-in-law. Pray that you will selflessly be ready to step aside and allow your daughter-in-law to be the spouse you have prepared your son to love, honor and cherish.

    I have always considered myself as a giving, loving and nurturing person; but I truly found out how selfish I can be when my older son married! No longer was I the “queen bee” making all the decisions; my daughter-in-law had a mother close by and didn’t need a substitute mom like the girls I had discipled during their college days with moms 100’s of miles away; and it took me a moment of self-evaluation, looking at the woman in the mirror to realize that even though I had prepared my sons for their role in marriage, I had failed to prepare MYSELF for their roles in marriage! Thankfully, I had a wonderful mother-in-law, a godly example and mentor that heard my heart and saw what I was going through. She prayed me though the first difficult moments of being the mother-in-law! Almost nine years in my new role and I am still in the learning process! But, I am finally catching on and I continue to pray for wisdom from our loving Father.

    Bless you and continue to pray for future spouse for your baby son! I can honestly say, “the best is yet to come!”

    • Wow. I have a daughter who is arrived now. I’m still learning since I’m the one who is distanced. She has two sons from different fathers and I am so close to the oldest. I’m not the queen bee anymore and it stings! The youngest is now almost
      18 months and having a different relationship compared to his paternal grandmother still feels sad that I’m missing out on that same closeness. I hope one day my daughter realizes how my love knows no bounds, I mean no harm by wanting the same close relationship I have with her first! Thank you for the heartfelt reply !

    • Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I feel the same pain you have experienced. I too have a daughter-n-law that I would love to be close too but she has a mother close by & we don’t have that close relationship that I have with my wonderful mother-n-law. It’s been very hard for me because at times I have felt she has stolen my son away…but in reality he’s still my son – he’s just graduated to be her husband. Therefore, we are not involved in their life like I wish my husband & I could be. We would never want to be the reason for their demise so we enjoy time with them as they allow. I don’t want you to think they are having marriage problems because as far as we know they are doing well. We believe marriage is sacred & the vows are just as important to God. I pray for them and our new grand baby, Ryder. When you pray please remember us..U are not alone.

    • I agree…so beautiful, it made me cry. The heartfelt prayer you pray over him will become his battle cry as an adult. Keep praying until he not only knows it by heart, but his heart knows it by heart. 🙂

  • Thank you for sharing such wonderful and kind words! I only hope more mothers think of this and that more women accept this as true!

  • Kelsea,

    I am so proud of you and the woman that you have become. When you girls started dating I prayed that God would begin to prepare the man that HE had just for you … for each of you. Even when you stood on the steps, with your hand on your hip (at about 8 years old), telling me that I was stupid and you hated me. God in all his sovereignty knew He had to give you a marine … no one else could handle you! I have always told you that God is going to use you in a mighty way … you have the ability through written word to touch so many hearts.

    I love you,
    Mom

    • I see where your daughter gets her writing talent. You are an inspiring woman. Be proud and feel blessed for the fabulous lady that your baby girl has grown up to be!

  • This is beautiful. I began praying for the spouses of my children and grandchildren over 25 years ago, at least 3 years before my first child was born. When they are young, I dream with them and tell them that their future spouses are probably born now. I give them handwritten prayer journals to pray out of every day which includes prayers for them to pray over their future spouses. Your writing is a blessing to read. My 17 year old son’s girlfriend of 3 years just ended their relationship. We thought that she was very possibly the one. This reminds me that I need to be careful to receive any new relationships with love and not fear and even receive her back into our lives, if she ever comes back. Thank you for writing this. I will save it and re-read it through the years, ’cause, you see, my youngest son is only 4 and I have many years left to pray for the future spouses of my children and grandchildren.

  • God blessed you with a great gift …Thank You for being a willing vessel sharing such a poignant message. Through your words my heart was lightened and my Spirit was touched deeply. I hope for my daughter that her “Future Mother in Law” will read these words as well and be unction by the Spirit to pray for my Gift from God. Prayers for you to remain strong and bold in Jesus! May he give you the time and strength to continue spreading a much needed message about unconditional Love.

    Fellow Sister in Christ

  • Thank you for this. As someone who has a MIL who is insanely jealous of her and does everything in her power to cause problems it’s encouraging to know not all MIL’s are like mine!

    • It must be something to do with the name Amanda :P. I completely empathize. I constantly feel like an outsider and unwelcome when in the presence of my inlaws 🙁

  • This is a wonderful post! One of my friends shared it on her Facebook page, so I did as well… And then five of my friends did also. This message is a wonderful way to spread the love of God by writing about a topic so many mothers have in common. My husband loved this as well! I didn’t even cry that much the second time around when I read it to him. 🙂 God Bless You!

  • I love this. My oldest son 22 years old and my younger son is 18 years old. I have prayed daily for their spouses since they were both born. They do not know this but one day I will tell them. Marriage is so scared and a bad one can ruin your life. I wish for them both great marriages. I love this post and I will re-read it many times. Thank you for sharing.

  • This is a beautiful letter. So well written and right on point! As a mommy to a little girl, this is my wish for her future. Thank you for writing this so beautifully!

    xo-lianne
    Lulabelleblog

  • Thank you for reminding me to pray, not just for my daughter’s future husband, but for her in-laws as well. Just as our children’s lives will be bound together, we’ll be bound to his parents. A friendly, loving relationship with them will make for easier holidays, birthdays, even baseball games.

  • as sweet as this is, I sometimes feel that some parts of the Christian community idolizes marriage too much . . . perhaps the son will never have a spouse, perhaps his path will lead to a life of singleness. instead of assuming that it’s a given the child will get married, maybe instead we should pray God’s will be done, and that He will be glorified whether in marriage or singlehood.

    • While I very much agree with you (in that he very well could end up single), I have to disagree with your statement that some of the Christian community idolizes marriage. I believe that marriage is the very physical representation of what Christ is to the Church and what the Church is to Christ. In fact, when God himself created man he determined it was not good for him to be alone, thus creating Eve. (Genesis 2:22-24) Again, Proverbs 18:22, the Word states that a man who finds a wife finds favor in the Lord. When Paul speaks on singleness (1 Corinthians 7 and then again in 1 Corinthians 17) he makes a valid point that being single leads for more time to serve and focus on spreading the Truth without the responsibilities that come with being in a marriage. But are single people today REALLY spending all of their extra, marriage-responsibility-free time serving the poor, taking care of the widowed, and being Jesus to everyone every free minute they have? Most likely not. There are two sides to every coin. If my son never marries (and has the physical ability to abstain from all sexual immorality in doing so) then I will be just as happy as if I were to welcome a daughter-in-law into our ranks. But I will speak often on healthy marriage, I will strive my best to demonstrate my love for his father, and to work on myself and my marriage so that he has a healthy perspective of what God created marriage to be.

  • Absolutely beautiful. I just finished reading this and am in tears. Love my sweet daughter-in-law and am going to share it with her. These are the thoughts I had 30 years ago and the ones I still have now as I see their sweet family growing and the way she looks at my son. Thanks for writing this. God bless you!!

  • WOW… I read this tears were rolling down my face, I forget that my sweet riley will leave me and give his heart to another. But it makes me remember how important my job is and what my tasks are. God give gave me my son and really riley is his and more than anything I want riley to have God in his life. I sure hope my daughter in law will fell nothing but love and support from me. Again beautiful post.

  • Wow…my heart was full of all kinds of emotions. Thinking of my daughter as the future daughter-in-law, my son, my husband and myself as the daughter-in-law. What beautiful words you speak and how true they are. In today’s world where it is easy to turn and walk away…somewhere along the way we have forgotten how to love with all our hearts. Your descriptions remind me of my love for my husband…and how thankful I am…to my Nana for sharing her son with me. Thank you for touching my heart today.

  • Thank you for sharing this beautifully written, honest, and loving post. My babies are 17 and 11, and yet I often think of their future spouses and pray for them all. May your baby boy bring you much love and joy.

  • At first I thought it was going to be one of those “warning” blogs that it seems like is so common now, even among those who call themselves Christians. Oh how moved I was as I continued to read this beautiful post! Tears streamed down as I read how you understand your purpose as a godly mother, how you aren’t bashing this future daughter-in-law but showing love to her, even though she is still unknown to you. Thank you for this beautiful letter. I pray that more women will follow this example.

  • Wow! I have never been so touched by an article. I have problems with my in laws on a daily basis because they don’t want to “let him go” & reading this makes me only dream that one day I’ll be so lucky to have his parents feel this way towards me! You children are very lucky in having such an understanding mother, I wish you & your family the best in life. And, thank you for showing me how wonderful a relationship with your in laws can be.

  • As a mother of three boys, I became a MIL almost exactly one year ago. I never thought to pray for a future DIL but God in His infinite grace blessed our family with bringing a beautiful man and woman of God together in what can be described as nothing less than divine alignment. My boys are 24, 22 and 11. I have experienced the innings of baseball, the crying, the loss of grandparents, the girl he thought was it leaving him and someday with His blessing I’ll discover the joy of being a Gramma…….but now, this beautiful post will remind me to continue praying for the beautiful DIL I currently have and for the ones in my future! Thank you!!

  • I started praying for the future spouses of my children when I was pregnant with them. Now I have two awesome, godly sons-in-law! My son is just 17, but he has had the same precious girlfriend for two years now, and we are all hopeful that she will join our family in a few years. I always knew I wanted to be a mother, but didn’t realize how great it would be to be a mother-in-law.

  • That was beautiful, the only thing I would change is the mention of their future children. The reason being that they may not be able to have biological children and l know from experience how it feels to fail your in-laws in that regard. I felt every day the desire for grandchildren from their only son and the years and years that I was not able to give them that hurt. I think if they had been content to love the children that come into our marriage no matter how God put them there it would have been easier. I may never have children and it would have been easier if my mother-in-law was more accepting of the concept of adoption, as maybe the only way.
    Sadly, my in-laws are both gone now and so the feeling of having failed them remains, but as always it is God’s timing, not my timing and when my children are ready, He will deliver them to me, one way or another…

    • I’m very very sorry to hear that. I agree with your sentiments however. We have always had adoption on our table, even though we were able to conceive two children on our own. Good friends of ours also adopted. And when we both mentioned it to our in laws we got a lot of “what the?!? Why!!?” While I can’t share in the feeling of not being able to conceive, I sympathize in getting negative responses (either initially or overall) because of adoption. I’m hoping that you cling to God’s faithfulness and that you will experience the joy of motherhood by any means. As well as healing of some very deep wounds. (I have my own set of in law issues that still hurt me deeply even after 6 years…) He has a plan!

  • This is wonderfully written. Thank you. I am expecting my first child – a son – and am often dismayed by these “warning” posts I see written. They don’t reflect how I feel at all. But this most certainly does.

  • I am not a mother, I don’t have a baby that this applies to (though I pray I will someday). But I am a woman in that place – I am very much in love with a young man and I am utterly terrified of his mother. We don’t see eye to eye, we have such differences, she has a horrible first impression of me (my own fault, I’ll admit) and I wonder if I will ever be worthy in her eyes.
    As I sat and read your words, bawling my eyes out -heart breaking, I hoped and prayed that maybe she would have thought and prayed for me like this. Because I so want to be everything she hopes and desires for her son. More than anything I want to be his partner, his help. I long to soothe him and love him, to push him and make him stronger, to love him at his worst and at his best. I pray every day that God will grant me the wisdom and serenity to be the things he needs in his life, or if nothing else to be able to come alongside him and make his days easy and worth while. And along with this I have a fervent, reckless desire to be loved by her. I want her trust, her friendship, her wisdom. Yes, I have my own mother, but nothing can compare to the wisdom I might glean from his mom – she who has loved him unconditionally since he was conceived!
    So… thank you for this prayer. Thank you for your words. They pluck and pull at my heart. They make me want to follow more closely my Lord in hopes that I might be worthy of someday being a daughter-in-law like this, strong for her husband and strong for her mother-in-law. And though I can only wonder if she prays for me like this, I am chastened and reminded to pray for her. These words give me… hope… that maybe I can do this. Maybe I can have the relationship with his mother that I want and pray for? So… Thank you for being such a catalyst today. For such inspiration.

  • Wow, may I use your words as my own with only a couple of updates…and credit to you of course? Your blog post is something so similar to my own letters in my prayer journal so very long but not so long ago. Through your eloquence of writing, all those memories have come flooding back. My oldest son and first born is due to be married this September. The young woman that God has sent is beyond anything I could have ever imagined or prayed for him. It’s that prayer by faith, unsure of who or what will steal his heart. It’s that standing before your church and family at his dedication, scared to death of the responsibility of raising God’s gift to the world. It’s that wondering if you have what it takes to be the example of what he will long for in a mate. Well, almost 24 years later…God is faithful, merciful and gracious. He has never left us or forsaken us and I am so proud and honored to call this new woman in our lives…My Daughter! Thank you for your post and reminding me to find my journals and write my own letters…to Morgan and to Madison and Travis’ future mates. May God’s richest blessings be upon you and your family as you continue to use your blog in His service and for His glory!!! In Christ’s Love, Niki

  • This is perfect for get amazing young woman who will become my legal daughter in law (she has been in my heart for a very long time) this Saturday. I love you Stacin Halverson!

  • As the mother of two boys, I loved this. You said everything and I mean everything that has at one time or another been on my mind, in my heart and soul, or on my lips and you said it perfectly. Thank you.

  • This made me cry as my husband and I are starting our family and I pray this prayer daily. I lost my mom just a couple years ago at 19 to cancer and never do anything right in my mother in laws eyes… like nothing. I pray this prayer for myself as a mother to be an amazing mother in law and teach my kids to be incredible husbands and wives to their spouses. I can’t imagine my daughter and son in laws having the fear and anxiety of meeting me and being in a relationship with me the way I do with my mother in law.

  • This is beautiful. My sons are both still single at 29 & 25. I too pray for their future wives. I have always prayed that my relationship with her will be like Ruth & Naomi’s relationship in the book of Ruth. Thank you! Marriage was created by God, the creator of all things, and is sacred. It is the mirror of Christ and His church.

  • I loved this and have also prayed for the future spouses of my children, however, I have one other viewpoint to add. I am a mother of two daughters and two stepsons. My older daughter is married to a wonderful man and I pray that I am a good MIL to him. Although my oldest stepson came into my life when he was 10, I couldn’t have loved him any more if he had been my own. I too hoped & prayed he would find a young woman to be all those things to him and that he would become a Godly man & wonderful husband & father someday. Unfortunately, he met a woman when he was 21 while he was serving his country in the Army (he is still in the Army), who was 23 years older than he, old enough to be his mother. She was a divorced mother of two adult daughters, with three grandchildren. When he talked to us about his idea to ask her to marry him, we could not believe our ears. They hardly knew each other and he was a very naive young man who had not dated in high school or even had a serious friendship with a young woman. We had always had an extremely loving & wonderful relationship with him discussing any serious decisions, providing our input, while knowing that he would make his own decisions in the end. When corresponding with her, we talked about our concerns & begged her to please consider them. Long story short, she completely ignored our concerns, continued the relationship with him over our objections, he stopped corresponding with us, only came home twice in 3 years (no discussion about her allowed) & on his return from a deployment to Afghanistan, he married her without even telling us about the wedding. We were and still are heartbroken. Now he is 27 & she is 51. They have been married for almost 4 years. He can’t have his own children because she is too old. Since he was a boy & through the years when I was praying for a wonderful wife for him, a wonderful daughter-in-law for us, for him to become a father & husband, for us to become the in-laws they could love & depend on…. I never dreamed this would happen. I continue to pray for him & for her… I am still heartbroken… You said in your post “Or maybe my son will like older women and you are five years old and enjoying a Saturday afternoon at the park”. Five years older would have been acceptable. When you are thinking about the future wife of your baby son… would you ever consider that someone 23 years older than he is to be a suitable wife? I would ask any mother out there… how can you be a loving mother-in-law to a woman whom you feel took advantage of your son to feed her own vanity? As a Christian & a mother, I struggle with this every day. I wonder how her daughter would feel if her son… how she would feel if her grandson who is 5 years old now, wanted to marry a woman 23 years older when he grows up? I would love to see feedback from others on this situation.

    • I am 42, I was 37 & divorced with 3 children, ages engaged20,18, and 10 when I met the man who is my husband now. He was 30 when we met & had been engaged once before but never married. Shortly after we got engaged I had to have a hysterectomy & I struggled with the fact that I could never give this wonderful man a child. He spent weeks telling me that it didn’t matter to him because as far as he was concerned we had kids already, he loved my kids as his own. We got married and last September 25, 2013 we became grandparents to a beautiful babyboy, my husband was 34 and a very proud Pa who loves our grandson in a way that is beyond words, his mother, my MIL embraced us as a part of her family. She cyou to open your heart.alls herself a greatgrandma & to me she is the most precious part of our family because she never once told her only son that I was a mistake. She taught me that unconditionally loving your kids is what strengthens a family. Maybe you should try that with your son, you lost him because he didn’t marry who you found suitable, did you ever stop and think maybe he loves her kids as his own. Family is made up in many ways nowadays, I think its beautifully all in Gods plan. I pray for you

    • I would trust my son. After 4 years, it should be apparent that they are in love. Would I handpick a woman 23 years older than him, given the opportunity? No, but it’s not for me to decide. God brought them together for a reason. I agree with the other reply, you lost your son because you didn’t accept and embrace his choice in spouse. I’m sorry to see you pay for that decision, but maybe you could work on your attitudes and preconceptions and build a relationship with both of them, and your step grandchildren.

  • This is beautifully written and made me think of my little boy! I often think of who he will
    Marry and will I be able to let “let my baby go” and I can’t help but cry. Amazing thoughts and perspective and god bless you and your beautiful family!

  • Tearing up… while your son is small my son is leaving for college in a few weeks. All these I still pray for my future daughter in law. Great writing! 🙂

  • I love this post because I have been on the side of not being well accepted by a mother-in-law, and now I AM a mother-in-law. If I could’ve written this post years ago when my son was little, I would have. You write this with great wisdom.

    When my son (he is actually the 2nd child out of 8, however the 1st to get married) married his wife last year, I was able to fully embrace his bride. I love her like she is my own. The day of the wedding, at the end of the reception, I finally had a moment to sit and rest and I watched the slideshow of each of them growing up on the screen above me…. watching my son grow up brought a few tears to my eyes, but then, I watched my daughter-in-law’s slides and suddenly realized that THIS was the girl I had been praying for when my son was little. She came over when she saw me crying and I told her, “You are the one I prayed for! I prayed for you all your life!” Then she and I embraced and the two of us cried together. 🙂

  • I think this is beautiful. I am married and do not feel I’ve ever been accepted into my husbands family. It is been made very clear to me for years that I am an outsider and they are angry because they (the mother and sister) are no longer his center of attention. It really makes things hard one your children if you try to push and pull them like that. I hope when our kids are married that I will not be like that, but embrase the person and trust in us as their parents so they know they are loved and encouraged

  • Beautiful. That is the best way to describe your heart and words. Thank you for sharing this part of your heart. I have a son that is now 1 and the prayer you pray is such an inspiration to me. We are raising legacies! I will definitely be sharing this everywhere I can. Absolutely beautiful!

  • Goodness, how beautiful! Thank you for this! I am not yet engaged but am thinking I will be soon, and it was so lovely to read a letter like this (my most-likely-future-mother-in-law is a woman of God as well) and it was so encouraging! Nearly made me cry, too! Thank you!

  • This was breathtaking, your son has an incredible mother. And please thank your husband for serving our country.

  • This was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. My children are older (*young adults) so the prospect of their spouses coming into their lives soon is very possible. I pray for these 2 future daughters in law and one future son in law all the time, even though I don’t know them yet…. (well….truth be told…..maybe we just recently met one?! It’s quite possible…..my older son’s girlfriend is quite a catch…. ) But thank you for sharing this. I loved every single sentence.

  • What if God should call him to a life of being single? It, too, is a gift given by God. It, too, is a lifestyle meant to glorify God.

    • Emma, very much agree. I’m copying what I wrote to a previous commenter on this very subject. Great name by the way. My daughters name!

      “I believe that marriage is the very physical representation of what Christ is to the Church and what the Church is to Christ. In fact, when God himself created man he determined it was not good for him to be alone, thus creating Eve. (Genesis 2:22-24) Again, Proverbs 18:22, the Word states that a man who finds a wife finds favor in the Lord. When Paul speaks on singleness (1 Corinthians 7 and then again in 1 Corinthians 17) he makes a valid point that being single leads for more time to serve and focus on spreading the Truth without the responsibilities that come with being in a marriage. But are single people today REALLY spending all of their extra, marriage-responsibility-free time serving the poor, taking care of the widowed, and being Jesus to everyone every free minute they have? Most likely not. There are two sides to every coin. If my son never marries (and has the physical ability to abstain from all sexual immorality in doing so) then I will be just as happy as if I were to welcome a daughter-in-law into our ranks. But I will speak often on healthy marriage, I will strive my best to demonstrate my love for his father, and to work on myself and my marriage so that he has a healthy perspective of what God created marriage to be. Single or married his father and I will be delighted.”

  • You are a very talented writer. It makes my heart smile when a FMIL is an advocate for her FDIL. It is so vital to make them feel important and included. I pray that I have such an humble heart as you when I have children of my own. God bless you and your family. 🙂

  • Beautiful!!!!! Thank you for writing this and sharing it. I just had a baby boy in May. I prayed for his future wife in the womb and I will contuine to pray for her. This is perfect though.

  • I have 2 sons…one in lower elementary school and one still in diapers. I have prayed for their future wives but not consistently. I sometimes wonder how I will “let them go” when it comes time for them to marry and leave and cleave. I pray I will be like my own mother-in-law who has been such a great role model for me. She has never seen me as the enemy but as you say, the missing piece of the puzzle. She has never tried to meddle in my marriage to her son. She has been supportive and a cheerleader for us all the way. She is truly one of my best friends. I am so blessed. I pray I will be that kind of mother-in-law some day to the wonderful women God brings into my sons’ lives.

  • Beautiful. You should add the song Somewhere in the World, by Wayne Watson to your playlist. It expresses these sentiments exactly and has been a favorite of mine since my son was born. May God bless you as you raise a man among men.

  • It’s a shame we all can’t have a MIL like you! I can count on 1 hand the number of people who embraced me, and welcomed me with love to their family on our wedding day. His mother, father, brother and sister was not one of them and almost a year later, it still hurts. Those are the ones I wanted more than anything to be loved and accepted by. I pray not only my MIL but the rest of his family will one day become as accepting as you. It’s been made very clear to me that I don’t belong in ‘their’ family. It puts a lot of strain on our relationship because they don’t accept me. 9/10 they “forget” to include me on invitations, or don’t send one at all. During holiday dinners, I find myself secluded, and being left out of conversations. Even if I say something, they will just repeat what I said like I’m not even there and they all laugh. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be good enough for them. Reading those warning posts makes me cringe as well, because I feel like it’s how my in-laws will always feel about me. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but reading this gives me hope that maybe one day I will be accepted. Maybe one day they’ll see the woman I’ve become, the woman who loves their son/brother more than anything in this world and embrace me like I thought and always hoped they would. Whoever your son marries will be one lucky lady. Thanks for giving me hope…Signed, a previous hopeless daughter-in-law

  • Beautiful. As a mom of two young boys transitioning into tween and teen years, this is just beautiful is all I can say. It is never too early (or late) to start praying for our children and their future spouses.

  • I love this post I cried because I have a son who is old enough now to find and marry a wonderful girl. I will be like my mother with her daughter in law’s. I will Love them and be proud of them. The first time I met my mother in law I had just me my husband and she literally scared me she was a mean and hateful woman. She was not a good grandmother to our kids but was to her other grand children and step grandchildren when she pasted my children were sad but did not have the connection they should have had I have a son in law whom I love very much yes he makes me sad sometimes but he lives my daughter and grandchildren and would die for them. And when my other children meet and marry the men and woman they choose I will love them like they are my own

  • Wow! I cried. I laughed. I cried again. And I’m not very emotional. Thank you for precisely penning the words I would love my future daughters-in-law to see. B.E.A.utiful!!! I don’t see a “reblog” option from my phone’s view but hope I can find it when I sit down at the computer next because I so want this to be seen by them one day. Thank you.

  • Thank you for sharing this. I never thought about it that way. You have inspired me to write a letter to my future daughter-in-law also. This is a wonderful thing to read and made me realize how fast Tim is flying. My son is my first child and he is 8 months old today. While I do not want him to grow up too fast I do enjoy watching him learn new things. Again I want to thank you for sharing this! Hope you enjoy your son as much as I am enjoying mine.

  • I too have 2 boys, 1 challenged adult 29 yrs old with a daughter that has been adopted and that kills me ,and another adult son that is 26 and no kids or with anyone at this time, I pray they find the right woman to be with them. They mean the world to me but would love to see them happy with a very special person in their life! I love you article it was amazing!! Thank You!!

  • Kelsea, I know you don’t know me and I don’t know you, but thanks for your eloquent, touching thoughts. I’ve been planning on writing a letter like this to my future son-in-law (my wife and I are expecting little Naomi in mid-November), and have already been praying for him. Also, just for the heck of it, if you’re up for arranging a marriage I’ll send you a copy of “What He Must Be to Marry My Daughter” by Voddie Baucham and we can fast-track your application. Grace,
    – nj

    • Nathan, Ahahaha dying over here! Maybe we should just both send them to the same Christian university and see what happens? Or is that too meddlesome? Good luck with Naomi! What a wonderful name. As a Marine wife the story of Naomi & Ruth is one I cling to! I will say – having a daughter is amazing. My oldest is a girl and that sweet thing has her big strong bullet proof dad wrapped! The best is yet to come!
      -Kelsea

  • Thank You. Forwarded to my daughter who has a 5 yr. Old. Thinking of my grandson as I read every word. Your son is blessed to have such a Godly mother. Bless you and your family and thank you husband for his unselfish service to our country. Truly a delight to see such faith filled beings in this horrible world we live in.
    Thank you again!!!

  • As a mother to 3 little girls, I say thank you. I also pray for my daughters’ future husbands and it is so nice to know that someone may be out there praying for my girls as well. This was beautiful.

  • This is absolutely beautiful. My son is currently 15 days old, and while he hardly has a personality this tugged at my heart. Being a daughter-in-law, I can completely relate to everything you’ve said. I can’t begin to imagine what that day will be like when my future daughter-in-law joins the family, but I will remember this post and try to keep things in perspective. Thank you. And thank you for a beautiful prayer.

  • I think it goes both ways. Mothers treat your daughters well and show them through actions to respect a man. Fathers same thing, show your sons through actions how to cherish and love a woman. We learn from the behavior we are exposed to.

  • Thank you for sharing. My oldest son is married with two babies. Unfortunately, I will never have that kind of relationship with my daughter in law. I always dreamed of having her as my friend, but at the point, I will settle for not having her as my enemy. My second son is serving his mission and I hope and pray he is able to find a mate and that I can have a better relationship. I held these babies, I nursed these babies and I did my best to raise them. Now they must make decisions for their future, without me.

  • This is beautiful, and it gives me hope. I aspire to achieve a SLIVER of this in my future. You are a true blessing to whomever your boy chooses. His future wife will never face what I am confronted with now.

    I’m a good girl with a good heart who is doing well in life, but I don’t think my boyfriend’s mom approves of me much. WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR THREE YEARS. I still don’t feel welcomed and get the feeling she thinks of me as the “trollop who’s stealing her last child”. At first I thought it was just me: I have tattoos, I have piercings, I have new ideas and a different way of thinking. But you know what? I have faith in God, I’m a teacher and do good everyday by my pupils, I encourage my boyfriend to be the best he can and lift him up, I don’t curse, I am strong, I am kind, I am a good person, and I’m good enough for the love of my life. How can I get her to accept me? ((my boyfriend and I are both 22, I’m living on my own, he’s in the works of moving out of his parents house)).

    • Chelsea – I am very sorry to hear this. Unfortunately I don’t have much advice! Sometimes we are “blessed” with difficult people and sadly we focus on trying to altar our behaviors and personalities to fit within their standards. This is why when I do pray for my future DIL I pray that she is confident in who she is! And it seems to me that you are confident in who you are and what you have with your significant other. Take peace with that. Continue to pray for your relationship with her. I can’t guarantee it will change or that she will begin accepting you, but God will work in your heart and help you for certain. (I speak from experience.) Just yesterday someone pointed my attention to Romans 12 in dealing with “difficult people.” Maybe that will help you too!

  • This was beautifully written and touching. I am going to tag my daughter-in-law in it. You said so eloquently what I tried to say to her. I did tell her I had been praying for her for a very long time. This was truly a blessing, thank you.

  • My eyes are filled with such happy and tender tears! What an amazing Momma you are! I don’t know you at all but from reading this I believe too that your daughter will make a wonderful wife to someone! After going through some pretty traumatic events in my life and finally getting to a point were I am seeing the blessings daily, people often ask me how I got through, and got to where I am. I could NOT have survived without our Heavenly Father! I love how you pray “show me what to do”. I pray that often and He DOES show me! I am a new subscriber and am looking forward to more posts!
    Peace be with you!

    Jenny

  • Wow! Your post is awesome. I read your post from a request from a friend. Having two grown boys 22 and 19, this hit me hard. Especially since my oldest will be getting married next summer. I look back at his life, his deliver and growing up. He is an extremely beautiful gift from God considering I almost lost him before I even delivered him.. He is a loving young man with a great heart, strong opinions and a somewhat confused path. I pray to GOD to guide him in his journey because I want him to be happy. However, at times I feel like I am losing him. I pray for him daily as I take a step aside and watch him take his path in life and pray that his path will come back around to his MOM.

  • Absolutely beautiful. Thank you! This will forever impact the way I think about my son and his future wife, even at 6 months old.

  • This is so unbelievably beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing this. I am so moved and touched by your words. Thank you

  • This is something I shared, it is beautiful and so much about your story is like mine, my son is 12 but I have always prayed for his future wife and for her to never fear me but know I love her because she is the missing link, I showed him the love of a mother but she will show him the love of a wife.thank you for sharing this!! God bless!

  • My baby boy turns 10 tomorrow and I sit here in tears wondering where time has gone. My hope for my boy is that he finds someone who realizes how absolutely wonderful he is.

  • It took me a while to dry my tears and calm down! This was so beautifully written. I am a mother if 4 daughters; I pray strikingly similar prayers as these for my girls. Especially that they find a man among men. Your post has helped me see that instead of just praying for that man, I need to pray for her to be a woman among women. I took that aspect for granted.

    Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this!
    Blessings.

  • This was beautifully written! I want to thank you for restoring in me a bit of hope for my future. . . I am a 31 year old single woman who adopted 2 children out of foster care last year. I think about my future and who I’ll marry (if I ever get married!) . . . I just hope that wherever my future husband is, that he was raised by someone caring like you and that I will be able to be a part of his extended family and be accepted and loved by them. Now, if I can stop crying over this post, I should get off to bed and get some sleep!

    Thanks again!
    Melanie

  • Thank you for putting your heart into words. The prayer you pray for your son has put the utterances of my heart into words when I could not. Bless you!

  • I met my daughter in law last year and gave my son to her Nov 23. People use to say to enjoy the short time when he was young but, i was so excited to see the man that he would become. He is a man among men, a leader among leaders and his King is the King of kings. God is good and faithful.

  • so can we arrange a wedding here hahaha jk but this moved me and brought me to tears i hope my daughters motherinlaw is praying as you are…this really spoke to me and touched me, i will be making changes within myself and how i mother my daughter 😉

  • I have prayed similar prayers for my five sons for over 28 years. My mother joined me in those prayers much as she prayed for the wonderful man I married. The Lord has answered those prayers with three beautiful Godly women. (I think a fourth one is in the picture but will have wait and see!) The high school girlfriends who weren’t “the ones” were often scared of me; I don’t intend to be scary but I am a high school teacher. Maybe that had something to do with it. But the young women who became my daughters-in-law were never nervous for very long. I don’t have magical powers. I didn’t recognize them as “the one” at our first meeting but I did recognize them as being sweet, lively, Godly young women. Keep praying. God answers! Now I am praying for my gran children’s spouses, just as my mom did. We expect a granddaughter to arrive sometime in October and another grandchild sometime in January!

  • Wow my son is almost 21 years old and has beed with the same girl for almost 6 six but this made me emotioal as all get out. I hope i have done as go as job with my as you have in writing this letter we have our moments and issues to move pass still but he is the only little man in my life that i would move mountains for. You see i was a single parent from tne time he was three so i was mom and dad working two to three jobs just so he could have the extras in life.it was tne hardess.thing i have ever done. But as they say anything worth having is wirth the effort. I truly pray i did him right. He is kind,smart, hardworking, and treats her well that is all i could have hoped for. Rasing him the way i had to. Good luck with ypur son im sure he will turn out great. And with live in his heart like you
    Jennifer foster

  • Wow! This is beautiful! I have often wondered about the woman my son will marry. He’s almost 25-years-old and had such a rough start in life. I’ve prayed that God would bring him closer to him through a Godly woman. You are starting early. Good for you.

  • I wish my mother in-law would have the same POV. She made my life hell the first few years that I dated her son. I was only a teenager back then, and was easily intimidated by her. After we were married she softened up but still could be a thorn in my side when she wanted to be. After we had kids, she became more accepting but occasionally likes to ruffle some feathers. It is enough that whenever I am around her or talk to her, I am on edge. I worry that I will say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, etc and she will get over the top mad at me.

    For example: A few weeks ago, we were visiting them. The next day, I noticed my 1 year old (who still crawls) had some nasty looking bug bites on him. Almost two weeks later, the bites were still there. I became concerned and did some research. My research led me to believe that he had flea bites. Figuring that I might have to take him to the doctor, I called my mother in-law to explain the situation and asked her if her cat was treated for fleas. My exact wording…”Hi, Mom. N*** has some bug bites on him that are not healing. I am becoming concerned and may have to take him to the doctor. My initial research indicates that they may be flea bites. However, I am not sure where he would have been exposed to fleas but am trying to do a process of elimination. With that in mind, do you treat your cat for fleas?”. She called my husband and told him I called her and accused her cat of having fleas. Of course my husband comes home and tells me which makes me a bit irritated because I was not trying to accuse her cat of having fleas. I was simply trying to find an explanation and eliminate possibilities if I had to take him in.

    I have two boys (ages 1 and 3) and I tell myself every day that I will be a mother in-law someday and the best thing I can do for my sons and their future spouses is to love my daughters in-law regardless of how I may actually feel. Because, as the writer pointed out, they will complete my sons. They will be each be the better halves of my sons.

  • I read this and love it…I read this and i cry i wish i could explain why….but if ever it returned to my son he would feel i do not love him….God help me this is killing me (

  • I just cried like a baby as I read your letter and stopped to pray for my son. He is two and I do pray for his future wife and my daughter’s future husband, however your letter added a several things to my daily prayer. Thank you for sharing your sweet words and most intimate thoughts. This was beautiful and will always stay with me.

  • I thought this is amazingly beautiful. My youngest son is 24 and just got engaged to an amazing woman… she is 29… Love her dearly!!! I have 20+ years of journals and done just that .. Prayed for her even back then…
    Karen

  • I’m 29.5 weeks pregnant with somebody’s future daughter in law and just sobbed my way through this post.

  • This is the most beautiful letter I have ever read. I thank you so much for sharing this. I will share this with my grand daughters in the hopes they will do the same. I wish I had seen this when I had my daughter or that someone had told me to pray these kind of things for her or even that I could pray these things for her. I am sure that things would be much better for her, her husband and her children. I have a new great granddaughter. Her mom is not a Christian, but I will share and hope she comes to know God and prays this kind of prayer for her daughter. Thank you again. God bless you.

  • This is so beautiful and reminds me to continue to pray and have hope for the future spouses of our adult children. I started praying for that in the late 80’s when I heard the song, “Somewhere in the World” by Wayne Watson. You should take a listen. Thank you for helping me to be a faithful praying mom! Your post truly blessed me.

  • Thank you for this beautifully written letter. I know that it will make me think differently of my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law and I have had a difficult 14 year relationship, it is not often that I put myself in her shoes when it comes to my husband. I know your letter will give me a lot to think about.

  • That was so beautiful. My mother in law treats me like her own and I want to do the se for my future daughter in law. What an amazing letter and I know you can’t wait to give it to her! (Well, maybe wait a lite while)

  • Beautiful perfect post! It always makes me so sad how many don’t seem to get along with their in-laws or fear their in-laws, when really it should be just one more piece of the puzzle, one more part to the whole.
    I wish more people had the same goals and drive to fulfill their responsibility and true rolls as a parent.

  • This is an amazing letter and while I read it, the whole time I keep thinking could it be my granddaughter you are speaking to? I would love for her to find a man like the one here in your letter. If it’s God’s Will – it may just be so! She has jsut turned 2 months old and it could be possible. Maybe one day we shall meet.

  • As I sit here typing with sopping wet cheeks, I had to let you know how touching your words were– how many mothers, wives and future wives you are impacting with this beautiful letter of hope! This is amazing.

  • I don’t know you but while reading this I felt an overwhelming sense of love for you. You are an amazing mother and I know you are influencing others to not only be amazing moms but also amazing in laws, because I am going to be better having read this. I am going to love and appreciate my children’s future spouses and pray for them now! Thank you for writing this!

  • Dear Kelsea …

    This letter reminds me to my mother-in-law. She always said, that long before his son married me, she always prayed for her future daughter in law. Reading your post made me feel like reading my own mother-in-law’s letter. My husband also has a sister, and as you were, my mother in law feels “the both side of coin” too.

    My mother in law is as sweet as you are. She never stops praying for everything and everyone. She loves others endlessly. And I feel very lucky to have her and her son.

    I wish someday you will have a daughter in law who will love you as much as you do. Someone God will give you to answer your prayers.

    Warm hugs from Indonesia,
    Dea

  • I absolutely loved reading this. Took me back almost thirty years and the times in between then and now. I did for my two boys what you’re doing now and would love for you to read my words I wrote a week before our eldest got married last year. This is the other side of years of prayer….

    http://probablyinpurple.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/does-my-bum-look-big-in-heels/

    and this one

    http://probablyinpurple.wordpress.com/2014/07/17/my-mutterings-on-motherhood-bringing-boys-up/

  • While I don’t actually have any children yet, this letter meant a lot to me. I have been through hell and back with my in-laws, and after five years of being with my husband, I am just now beginning to feel accepted. I absolutely cringe when I see that one of my friends has posted one of those hurtful “warning letters”. I have re-read your letter several times, and every time I read the part about how those warning letters open up a still healing wound for you, I tear up a little…it’s all too familiar. Whenever your son does grow up and gets married, I hope your future daughter in law realizes how blessed she is to have you!!

    • Reba, I wept when I read your comment. I too have felt unaccepted until recently. That acceptance is what I have prayed for and my prayer has been answered. I applaud you for your patience that you have shown toward your MIL. My prayer to have patience continues daily and I will pray for you as well.

  • A wise man taught my son a lesson I could have never taught him: “Remember, in the morning your mother will still love you, but your wife might not!” We laugh about it now, but there are times that I need to be reminded! A happy wife = a happy life!

  • This is breathtaking! I had to share it on my son’s girlfriend of 2yrs FB page. I pray everyday she is the one. As you said, she has made him a better man and I cherish every moment she is in our lives.

  • To Samantha, my future daughter-in-law:
    I can see the sparkle in your eyes when you look at my son and know you really love him. You make him so happy he wouldn’t want to live his life with anyone but you.
    You are a blessing in so many ways.
    I pray that both you & Joseph would would see the blessing in every circumstance as you live and grow in your faith with God as husband & wife ,
    Samantha you are loved & have become a big part of our family.
    Your future mother-in-law-Suzanne

  • Wow.… awesome. And posted on my husband’s birthday. Your future daughter in law will be blessed to have you in her life, as your son is now!

  • This letter and your words have touched me more than I could ever explain. I’m sitting here after just laying my 6 month old son (our firstborn) down for a nap, tears streaming because someone I have never met has so perfectly put into words what is and has been on my heart since the day he was born. I pray every night not only for him, but for his future and at times it seems so odd to think of him as a grown man and husband…but I pray knowing that he IS in the hands of our incredible God that I know will always lead, guide, protect, and provide – as he will lead, guide, protect, and provide for my future daughter-in-law. My heart is totally melted by your prayers for him as I not only couldn’t say it better myself for my baby boy, but it also touches me deeply in regards to my marriage and my own husband. Thinking of my son that will one day be even better, stronger, and more kind than the man I love makes me so happy and thankful….that I know one day my son will bless a beautiful girl the way my husband has blessed (blesses) me. All to say that this will forever be with me and I am so thankful I found your post! Xoxo

  • I am a single father to a beautiful 19 month old girl and I dj weddings for a living. In my career I have heard toasts that make me laugh or cry. This brought a flood of tears to my eyes heart and soul. This was beautiful on every account. Your future daughter in law will be one very lucky young lady

  • OH WOW! This is beautiful! I love ALL my children but there is a special bond between a mother and her son(s) (just like the bond between my husband and daughters) I love this prayer! My son is 14 and I see the young man he is becoming. It breaks my heart that he is no longer my ‘little man’. But, I see the young man he is becoming and could not be a prouder mom! Thank you for sharing your heart!!

  • “Incredibly beautiful” does not even come close to perfectly describing this post. I cried. I cried because I wonder if to some degree, this is what MY mother-in-law has tried to relay to me about HER son. I cried because I wonder if this is a letter MY daughter will some day receive – perhaps from you or any other woman praying the same prayer for their son. I pray for my daughter that she will know & love God above no other…I pray that if His plan includes a husband, that he too know & love God like no other. Thank you for the gentle reminder of how important it is to keep praying for our children. “It’s a small world”…my daughter will be 3 years old soon…and one never knows that paths we’ll take. 🙂 Blessings to you always.

  • I’m not sure if it is because I’m pregnant and that really touched me or because I’m truly scared of the fact that I’ll have a child soon and will have To go through this same thing. I just cried through out the whole thing. I’m sure that it is both and I for one plan on writing one of this to my sons future wife or daughters future husband.

  • Incredible! I can see my boyfriends beautiful mother praying for me and for us 20+ years ago and even today because she tells me and him on a daily basis she is. Cannot wait to marry him and continue the legacy

  • What a lovely, grace-filled post. I admire your attitude! My parents have shown such a good example in the way they’ve invited my husband to be a part of the family from the very first time they met him–I genuinely hope to carry on that legacy to the next generation!

  • I also have son and I would like to share this on the blog we keep up for him… My son is adopted from South Korea and we have dedicated our blog to him and his story. I currently have an extremely rocking relationship with my in-laws and I would love to share this as a reminder to my son that I want the best for him and am praying for a Godly woman who will one day complete his life. Can I share?

  • I LOVED your article!! My son is now 26 but as I read your article I put myself back when he was a baby and think of him and his finance’ and think to myself that she is EXACTLY what I would have dreamed for my son. Thanks for sharing!!

  • Oh. My. Lord. Wow! Thank you for writing this, and kudos to you for thinking about a daughter-in-law SO early in your mothering journey. All I can tell you is to trust yourself, trust your confidence, patience, and endurance. Believe in what you do and just keep doing it. He’ll love you for it, even if he won’t tell you. I’m raising 2 daughters, who are right now VERY independent, opinionated, strong, funny, sensitive, friendly, and loving. Right now, they see boys as peers and friends. They negotiate w/ them, they’re bossy sometimes, but I know that one day, I’ll have a tear- and snot-filled shoulder from the first heartbreak from THAT boy. All I can keep doing is raise my girls to be honest, accountable, and forgiving, since they’ll embrace the hearts of men who’ll treat them well, because THEIR moms taught them those important elements of the human spirit. So, thank you for already having a plan to raise a son who’ll be almost complete, because of YOUR intentions 🙂 God bless xoxo

  • This entire letter is just beautiful, but what I can’t get over is the prayer…a man among men…a good man in a storm. Those words will stick with me forever and I will be praying them for my daughter and sons. Thanks for your email. So glad I ended up here.

  • I love this! Based on this post, I can tell that you are a strong, godly woman. Honestly, I teared up quite a few times reading this. It’s comforting to know that my own mother-in-law may be praying for me as well. You have a way with words, my friend. Keep doing what you do!

  • Beautifully written. I feel as though this would apply to my 25 year old son whom is gay and has been with his partner since he was 17. I could not ask for my son to have a better companion to love and grow with. I have passed the ‘torch’ on to my future SIL and have complete faith in his ability to love and support my boy as well as I have for the past 25 years. Thanks for the great read.

  • This is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! It creates thoughts and prayers in your mind for your children and there spouses of the future! See I wasn’t this lucky to have a mother in law to think this much of me, or love me like her own. No my mother in law saw faults in everything i say or do, therefore my husband and my children are the ones that suffer from her ignorance!!! So i have vowed years ago to never be a mother in law like I have!! I Vow to Love my daughter in law as she were my own, to give her space to grow and love my son as a wife should!! I want to be her friend that she can depend on and know deep within her heart I love her as She loves my son!!!

  • God bless you, Momma. As a mother raising a boy who I pray will be after God’s own heart…and with tears just streaming down my face….bless you. May God richly bless you.

  • I am the mother of five grown sons, no daughters (and I’m a blogger, too–we do exist!). Four of my sons are married now (the youngest is still in college), and I cannot tell you how absolutely perfectly this post speaks to my heart. This is exactly how I feel about my boys’ wives, who are now “my girls.” While I hold my sons’ pasts and I’ve laid the foundation, there was something missing; but now they’ve been completed by their wives. Their wives hold their futures. And because of what they mean to my sons, I love them as fiercely as if they were truly my own children.

    Thank you for this beautiful post. I’m going to have to share it.

    We, too, prayed for our boys’ future wives, and God has found them perfect matches. I know He will do the same for your little man.

    • What kind and encouraging words! Thank you! So nice to hear from a Mama on the “other side” of things. Clicked on your blog and noticed you not only have 5 sons, but you have 5 very handsome sons! Well done!! 🙂 (And one of them an Army officer to boot!) Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  • This is a beautiful post. I wonder if your son ends up in a marriage with a man, regardless your future daughter/son in law will be very lucky to have you and the family.

  • This is beautiful. My youngest son is marrying a beautiful gal in just a month. I got my dress for the wedding today. I always hope to be a good MIL. I raised bith of my boys to LOVE & RESPECT their woman. And this is exactly what i am seeing now as they are men. They love & proect & cherish their woman as fiercly as they love & respect their Mama! Tonite as i read this a few tears trickled down my face as i thought of my son as a little boy, and now a grown string, loving man! Thank you for your beautiful words they really made my heart smile. I shared this with my daughter in law to be. It us everything i ever want to say to her! God Bless you & your family!

  • Wonderful post. I’ve often thought of the same things, that his special someone is out there right now preparing to meet him. Respect for all, strength and integrity, compassion, generosity, kindness, and an open mind are what I wish for him and try to instill and model. Thank you so much for this lovely post.

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